It was about two years ago that my husband and I first found out we were pregnant with our first baby. Everything was going perfect, two of my sister in law was also expecting, so I was so excited for our babies to grow together. I remember being so excited and already making plans for this little baby that was coming into our lives to make things even more complete. I remember praying giving this baby’s life to the Lord and ultimately trusting that God was going to take care of this beautiful baby and me.
However, God broke my trust.
At twelve weeks I started cramping and bleeding I knew I was having a miscarriage. I left work and went to my Dr’s office. I had an ultrasound that confirmed there was no baby. I prayed so hard that God would perform a miracle. I knew He could, and at that moment I had more faith in God than I had ever had in my entire life. But even though God could, He chose not to. I will never be able to understand why God allowed that happened, but I know that at that moment God cried with me.
Many people ask if God is real why do bad things happen to good people? I had to ask myself that question, and God with grace and love showed me that we have been looking at life with the wrong lenses. We are led to believe that if God is good, He won’t allow anything bad to happen to us. I learned that bad things happen to us because we live in a broken world filled with broken people. But, God in His goodness allows good things to come out of those broken situations. God wants to restore what the world has broken. God wants to pick up the pieces and put back together. God wants to bring beauty out of your ashes.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Isaiah 61:3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.
God did not break my trust; he shook it to make it stronger.
I am still learning and battling with this frequently. I still wonder how my baby would look like and sometimes I still ask God, why? But in those moments I chose to believe in His word and cling to the cross because I may never see the whole picture here on earth, but I know that the God I serve has never failed me and never will.